decades later i had the complete honor of documenting their big day, the day they finally said those words, committing their lives to one another. turns out i was right, she did like mike. and i was completely and utterly thrilled (and weepy) behind the lens of my camera that spring day.

thanks you guys for having us up there, finishing off my last wedding with a bang, for letting us in on this most sacred of events. we love you!

There’s no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard. No song that I could sing. But I can try for your heart and our dreams. And they are made out of real things. Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-tone lovin’. Love is the answer…

-jack johnson

nikon f5 . portra 400

he blows in and out of our lives, carving spoons from an ear of corn and animal bone. he climbs trees. he does his own tattoos. he builds the best lego ships and while on a hike, he lets his nephew pee in his nalgene bottle because he’s never gone potty outside. he helps his mama, showers his niece with kisses, and he cooks meals from scratch. he wants to live off the land and my boys adore him to the ends of the earth.

he’s gone, again. headed where the wind is taking him. my heart is sad and i feel the absence of him stronger this time than ever before. he is my tumbleweed brother and i’m thankful that he is who he is. loving you brother bear. come back soon.

“happiness, hit her like a train on a track”

the other night justin and i stared at each other in disbelief as we realized what a big event was ahead of us. he told me about this song and i realized how perfect it is for us, for our trials, for our future. it’s been quite a year for our little family. we are surfacing. we are nearing that light and it feels so warm, so good. so refreshing.

just a bit ago we picked up our keys, we walked through the door of our new home. it was empty and bright and full of promise and i am absolutely giddy with excitement. the last 72+ hours have been filled with anxiety, stress, tears, stress, smiles, stress, headaches, stress and more stress. but as my mama told me tonight – all the best things are hard to come by and boy does that ever hold true. it took everything in me to leave the new place this evening. i wanted to open all the windows and breath in the air of our new town. feel the wind as it raced through my hair, whispering “you’re home. happy to have you. those dog days are over“

so as i slowly unpack the boxes of our past, i’ll be thankful and appreciative of this opportunity to introduce them to our future. and i can. not. wait.

did you know i wrote an e-book? well i’ve written a few but one of my faves is project photography. a simple, easy, go-to guide for learning to use the camera you have (whatever it may be) and making the very best of it! getting natural, lovely photos of your children and loved ones by using a few tried and true tips!

project photography is over 70 pages jammed full of images, how-to guides, and my own personal thoughts that are meant to encourage and lead you to making full use of all those dials and buttons your cameras came with!

better yet? i’ve knocked the price down by 50%. for only $30 you can instantly download your own guide and get started. if you’ve purchased the guide before i’d love to hear what you think of it and if you take advantage of the discount – please do share your thoughts (and a photo or two!).

xo!

…and she’s just as amazing as i remember.

nikon f5 . portra 400 . 35mm

dear you out there,

writing tonight because i feel such the urge to. because i am not sure what exactly i’m trying to say yet i can’t think of a single other way to get this weight off my chest than to be here, in this cozy corner i call home. i’m warning all 3 of you reading it’s gonna be a hot mess.

the last few months i’ve questioned my blog, questioned my objective, where i want it to go – if anywhere. wondered if i should just toss it and start over. maybe i’ll just instagram? perhaps i’ll do a tumblr. my mind has spun and i’ve had many a conversation with friends regarding this. when i started the creative mama i had a goal, an objective. i wanted a place that women could come together and just… be. be creative, be inspired, be encouraged. it was my baby from the start. i had a fun color story, interesting topics, and eventually super-incredible voices that shared the platform with me. through that little decision i made in december of 2008 to buy a domain, i have literally changed the course of my life. trying to think back to the amazing friendships, opportunities, and moments that have come into my life because of tcm – overwhelms me.

when i sold it, i felt sadness but i felt peace. i knew it was the right time, the right decision. i had no idea why, but i just knew. i knew passing the torch to them would bring about the best outcome for the blog and in turn give me the opportunity to simply be… myself. to be open to whatever was next. motherhood, photography, writing, i had no idea.

and i still don’t.

i’m months shy of thirty and still feel as if i’m floundering about. unsure of my place. unsure of my blog. just unsure. thus far this blog has been pictures + words. lots of pictures, lots of words. i pour my soul out here and i’ve made friends here and i’ve formed a foundation here. but what if i want more? or less? i’m thrilled to write for two amazing blogs in addition and have taken up some copywork as well, but what about that creative part of me? where does she fit in? the one obsessed with pinterest, color stories, changing my wall color like i change my nail polish?

my very best friend of 20-something years always says “ang, there are no rules! make it what you want!” and i laugh as i write because if she reads this she too will giggle at me and my never ending rule-making. i guess i have a hard time merging things, parts of my life like that. i like to make cute little compartments. keeping things in their place, with a pretty ribbon on it or something.

i want so badly to share the dark parts of my world. such as when i weaned quinn, the deep , gut wrenching depression that followed (i didn’t think could get worse than it already had been) and how it led to my stopping mornings with quinn, i want to talk about what it’s like to have addiction in your family tree, to be as raw and honest as i can about my struggles with weight. yet, i also want to show the cute hair things i make quinn. i want to chat about my dreams for the boys new room when we move or how i decided when we moved here to donate all our drinking glasses so we could use only mason jars when we’re back on our own. those things don’t belong together. do they? so vast, so far from one another. it’s all a jumble of me though. the good, the bad, the creative, and the ugly.

but. but. but…

i’m stuck. i don’t want to be but i am. i think ‘gosh i should just write a memoir’ and then i can blog my creative side. so i immediately want to start that. told you, hot mess.

so i ask myself – yet again. where am i? why am i here? what is my purpose? do i break the rules i’ve made myself? i sigh and lay my head on the pillow. begging for rest to come. when the answers reach me i’ll be sure to share.

xo,

ang

what a complete honor it was to be asked to join the simple team with their launch of simple design. squeal! if you’ve been reading for some time you’ll know my long time dream has been to write. to write and be read. to be published, or… compensated, or recognized. ultimately to write and encourage someone else or inspire or just give them something interesting! last fall that dream slowly started to come true when paper coterie contacted me, then more recently tsh wrote offering me this amazing position contributing to one of her amazing blogs.

speechless. excited. thrilled.

so, please browse over to the brand sparkling new simple design, tell your friends, and stay tuned for loads of yummy eye candy from the super collaboration of artists!

happy thursday!

ps check out the awesome giveaway below – paper coterie? yes please!

as you may know, i’m proud to be a contributor everyday storyteller with paper coterie. i absolutely love writing there and being a part of such an amazing group of women. i’ve got a fun giveaway for you today too!

paper coterie has generously offered a journal to one lucky reader of my little blog here. free! journal! yay!

simply leave a comment here to be entered! contest ends friday night, 10pm PST. winner will be notified here on the blog as well as email.

xo!

pinterest gave me the bright idea of starting some seeds in citrus peel. perfect! we had lemons and oranges.

april 1 rolled around and we began. feeling hopeful, feeling ready.

not even a few days later the first green began to emerge and you’d think we had won the lottery. hollering and cheering all around!

we’ve since transplanted these little ones to the yard. pressed them into the soil and bid them good luck. reminds me so much of us as a family this year. full of promise, of love, and of hope. we’re hopeful this year and nothing can get in our way.

“you look lonely” he said, standing above me in a fitted varsity baseball uniform. his dark wavy hair fell just right and i tried to hide my excitement. truth was, i did feel pretty lonely. i was brand new to the school, coming in 3/4 of the way through the year. what on earth was this gorgeous senior doing talking to me a sophmore? he couldn’t possibly be serious, right? weren’t there 30 other girls who would have gladly given him the time of day? i can’t remember my response but i’m pretty sure it was with a smile.

it was 6th period drama class, spring of 1998. turns out those three words would lead to a first date, and a first kiss, and the beginnings of what would be the best decision i’ve ever made. we’ve celebrated 13 birthdays together now, he and i. from young and infatuated to not quite so young and ridiculously in love.

my how things have changed – here we are… three kids, some tears, lots of laughs, and so many memories later. he still makes me weak in the knees and i feel pretty lucky to be by his side.

happy birthday baby. love you much.